The thought or realisation, of not being good enough for someone really does make your heart ache. The feeling of being helpless, the longing to be viewed differently in someones eyes. The hope that one day you'll change in order to be visible to them or that some day, that person's perspective/expectations may change. But if it does, will it just make things worse? Will it make things awkward? Queer? I guess I should just be thankful for what I have now. Just letting things slip away again, possibly for the better. Why do I make such a big deal over such little things? I'm overreacting once again. Sigh.

That person just doesn't seem to understand. S/he's so selfish. The things s/he said to my face previously. Giving me a sense of pity or shame. Smiling infront of my face at my helplessness. How s/he compared me to his/her life/relationships with others. I was aiming to forget the horrible past but another thing just came into my mind. How can one be so selfish? So cruel? Especially to someones face? Just because you are having a fine relationship with people doesn't mean everyone else has to.

You were once like me; you seem to always forget that. The least you could have done was leave me alone, but no, you had to come up to me, randomly bring the topic up and rub it in my face a whole lot more- making me feel worse, even more worthless and so stupid. YOU were exactly like that at one point, maybe not for such a lengthy period of time but you really had that immature thing in common with me. And to see you treat me like CRAP really hurt, but no, you're ALWAYS right- how could stupid ol' me complain? Lets just see how you end up in the future. Maybe if you end up horribly, I might as well just rub it in your face more than you did to me. Karma will stab you in the back. Or should I call it revenge, you selfish person.

Studying for preliminary examinations doesn't really go well when you have so many things on your mind, especially if you find them so hard to cope with. Everyone's found out their ways of coping with things, but I have yet to find out my way of handling things. Well, maybe I have; crying, screaming, hurting myself gently. Haha. People seem to be so well-managed and mature now. I frequently get a sense of immaturity/stupidity and/or all of the above. Maybe I just am. Got to learn to deal with it.

*Reminiscing..