I envision everything to be picture perfect. I long for things to work out fine. I want things to be absolutely lovely but I'm just smiling, pretending like I'm content with the current state I'm in. I pretend I don't care anymore when inside I'm dying. As one thing gets better, the other gets worse. Really worse. It's even worse then when I first said a single word to you. There's just no more time to worry. I've decided not to waste time thinking about such things anymore and I cannot keep sacrificing things for you. I'm sick of trying to keep everything flowing and pretending like nothing's changed but it's really hard when I know what's changed- everything. You used to treat me as if I was so special but no you've implied that you want me to just leave you alone so I will, and am, until you have the common sense to realise what I'm doing. I used to think I knew everything and that things were finally turning around for once. But it didn't last long before I was hurt again. I'm trying to make it happen. I'm trying to make things alright.