I got my Ls today. As soon as I finished eating dinner, my brother was overwhelmingly eager to illegally teach me a trick or two and things didn't go too well. I was in the driveway practicing how to accelerate slowly and brake but I got overly excited and pressed the accelerator too quickly instead of the brake. Almost hit the van and my mum who was apparently trying to save me by willing to hurt herself. Oh, the shock. Brother ran out of the car and father took his place. Oh goodness gracious. Awfully hard it was. I got glares from cars at the rear for driving way too slow and father got frustrated but eventually started laughing which made me laugh. He told me I wasn't allowed to laugh yet. Oh goodness.

It's quite interesting how you don't know what you've got til it's gone. You never really took that thing seriously but now that it's gone, you miss it. It's quite weird. It was the last thing you ever imagined but you just regret being so careless. Now that it's not there anymore to comfort you, you feel so alone. The thing you thought that would never have an impact on you actually has. It was foolish of you to do certain things which would clearly leave someone in the state of giving up. You knew it would cause misinterpretations. Sometimes you just get your priorities mixed up and you hate yourself for it. If I could go back and change it, I honestly would. I should have followed you. Then nothing would have changed. It would have been normal.

Why is it that whenever you hope things turn out good, they turn out so plain? I thought it would be special. I thought it might have been better. I thought that I would come to the realisation of things but I didn't. I thought it would make me happy but it just let me down. There was nothing. It was all different. The things that were once there felt like nothing; they had practically vanished. Maybe because of the circumstances but still, I was disappointed. I sacrificed several things yet I didn't get anything back in return. Perhaps I'm just wishing for too much but really, I wanted what I thought I had before even though it was just a misconception. I wouldn't mind if I was the only one who saw it as long as I was glad.

Something I once felt comfortable doing, now makes me feel awkward and insecure. Now I really do hope my mind doesn't get ahead of me again and I really hope I don't ruin things again. I want things to run smooth but there's always barriers which you don't seem to be able to conquer. If only things had remained as they were, I'd be so happy. So satisfied. But it hasn't and I've gotten to understand peoples' thoughts and actions well now. I know that it's gone and it'll never come back. I really do dislike the things you do and the things you say. You constantly upset or embarrass me. You're so thick. You don't seem to understand anything. You used to seem so perfect and I only saw the positive aspects of you. Why is it that now I can see the negative aspects clearly as well? It's probably about time I just let go possibly.

You're so shallow. You give up on things you shouldn't too easily and yet you have the patience to wait for other things of less importance. You seem to apprehend the things I think yet you still have no brains as to act like you do. You don't care what I do. You just seem to care about yourself but how can I complain? I don't deserve anything anyway. I never did. It was just pure luck because you felt stupid and we were weather sick. Let's blame it on mother nature so I can easily forget the past. Yes, I know it's shameful of someone to blame others but it's the only way I can keep my mind off things for a little while at least.

geunyangchingurojinaegirogyolshimhaesseunikkanheundeulgaehajimarajyojaebal.