Something that you once wished would last a long long time if not forever has vanished. Maybe it was nothing to begin with in the first place. Just exaggeration. You try searching for it but it really has disappeared and it's quite clear you'll never see it again. It seems like things keep coming and going. Nothing ever tends to remain or stay in a single place. Everything seems awfully remote around here now. You worry that there was nothing in the first place; only your thoughts you believed were right but turned out to be completely wrong and just muddled up. I want to tell you there's nothing so you'll stop doing the things you do. I want to tell you that whatever you thought was wrong. There's better and I should aim for those not the stupid things that would never last. How can something last a while if you don't take things seriously? Everything seems like a joke to you. Just a board game; it doesn't matter if you win or not. No-one will remember it in the future anyway unless it really was a significant game. No such thing. You're such a difficult person to understand and deal with. Why do people long for perfection in others when they're not that either? You want everything to be perfect and you cannot bear but ignore them if that one aspect is different or unpretty. Let's just pretend it's a positive thing that you're so willing to be open about it. You tell lies or should I say jokes. They may be funny to you but I see nothing close to hilarity in the words you say. I'm possibly taking things to seriosuly and being overly pessimistic but it's just called getting ready for the worst to come. It was great until you came. Well not really great. Just better. I was happy. I was smiling and I was talking with that person. After you came it made me feel weird and I felt an awkwardness I don't even want to remind myself about. I thought it would be lovely. Even better that you would be there but things were all 'ruined'. I wish I could rewind back to then and change the things I said, the things I did and the way I did those things. Oh, so this is the feeling of knowing that you're not good enough. So this is the pain just one person can make you suffer. So these are the tears one person can make you shed. So these are the many nights that person's thoughts overcloud your thoughts. So this is how foolish and lost you feel for falling too easily and quickly. So these are the emotions you have to deal with each day. So these are the memories you never want to let go of. So this is the person who's left you confused. This is the person you cared for so much. So how does it feel knowing that you're effort and consideration has gone to waste? It feels horrible.