Autobiography.
Hello, my name's Susan and I was born on the fifteenth of May and am currently eighteen years of age :) I graduated from Bethlehem College Ashfield in 2007 and am currently studying a Bachelor degree of Animal and Veterinary Bioscience at the University of Sydney. I'm Korean and often get mistaken to be Chinese like every other Asian person does. I've been working at Vinnies located in Dulwich Hill for almost a year now (Y) I've been adoring my beautiful boyfriend since May 15, 2008. Loooooooove him! 'cause he makes me happy :)
Monday, December 18, 2006.
MIRACLES HAPPEN - 1:52 pm.
I'm stupid. I constantly confuse myself and I can't distinguish between lies or the truth. I fall too quickly and easily, and it takes me almost forever to get my mind off things. I think about the smallest things too often, if not all the time. I cry over the little things and I can't seem to let go easily. I'm easily frustrated and when I'm feeling upset, you're the person who I tend to think about even though you couldn't care less. I do things that not even I can explain. I fall for things when they're just too horrible or too good. I can't express my feelings and I feel like an emotional wreck. The slightest bump in the road can make me stumble. I'm easily afraid and and awfully scared of being betrayed or let down. I do and say things I shouldn't and I regret them later yet I still do them again. I hate promises being broken but I guess they were probably made for that reason. I take things too seriously and other things, not serious enough. You play me like a toy and treat me like a fool. You're the foolish one. You're the stupid one who doesn't know how to understand what people try to tell you. I'm tired of trying to make things seem close to perfect when they're not. I don't want to have to force myself to smile whenever you're near or pretend like I'm having the best time of my life when I'm with you because I honestly am not. I might have felt so previously but now it's just like some punishment through which I come to the realisation of things I didn't necessarily need to know. You don't know how to distinguish between things either. You think you're perfect when you're not. You annoy me at times but then you make me extremely happy at other times which leaves me in a lengthy phase of confusion. I miss you. I really do but something tells me that I don't. Understand me now? I don't even know how I feel let alone why.
Wisdom too often never comes, and so one ought not to reject it merely because it comes late.
It'll be over hopefully by the new year approaching soon. It's such a shame I had so many plans yet none of them have actually happened. I try so hard to occupy myself and keep myself busy so I can keep my mind off such 'minor' things. Sometimes it works but there's some days where I completely give up on my plans and just lie down and think about the past. I listen to music. I hear the lyrics. I hate being able to relate to them. Then I think about all the horrible things I've been through and I start crying. Shedding a tear or two, here and there. Everyone seems to be so happy and they've been able to get better and happier whilst I'm once again left behind by myself in this state called 'melancholy'. You always trick me with your lies and it confuses me. It makes me feel even worse despite that they're supposed to cheer me up or whatever other intentions you had. It makes me feel so lost. No, that's not a good or positive thing. Maybe tomorrow will provide me with something a little better than today. Maybe the day after tomorrow.
On a little 'happier', yet delayed note; on the twelfth, I went on a little outing to the zoo with some of the girls. It was alright I suppose despite being constantly irritated at something I thought I wouldn't be by now. And I've finally made up my mind about certain issues. It's probably seflish of myself but I think people are in need of learning a few things. Overall, I saw some boy with lovely blue eyes on the bus, some man with a pretty smile on the train and some hideous boy on the 'cable ride' who thought he had a good body, but clearly did not.
On Saturday, I followed Monique to Dannie's house. C&P'd from Monique's blog. Too lazy to type. Apparently there were: (
Note: 'Me/I' refers to Monique for those idiots who are confused)
- Random Kisses
- Holes in the wall & broken doors
- Smashed Cars w/ no fuel
- Burnt food
- Drunkos & Gronks
- 160 bottles of Smirnoff
- Susan chasing me for Smirnoff
- Photographs
- Phone calls
- Walks down the street
- Ann attempting to climb a boat
- James attempting to show us 'trippy lights'
- Junny & Aaron trying to make videos
- Dannie & I walking around recording everything
- Dannie & I attempting to chuck an allnighter & failing
- Hannah & I taking pictures of James while he was smashed
- Rosa & I rolling Hannah around in a trolley
- Susan & Hannah falling flat on the ground
- Susan spilling fanta on my dress
- Janelle & I cooking sausages
- The boys burning the food
- Sleeping on the floor in the middle of James & Hannah -_-''
- Hannah trying to convince me to walk her home at 2am
- Raina & I losing everything we owned at some point during the day
- Raina & I pranking Dannies phone at 7am to wake her up
- The girls & guys giving Fiela more smirnoff while saying 'here, it's water'
- Happy news which made Susan & I jump up & down and hug like crazy =]]
- Random unknown hookups
- Angry parents =[[
- Missing certain people
- Rain look-a-like
- Ann shoving a phone down Susans crotch xD
I miss Monique an awful lot. I really do. Yes, I saw her 2 nights ago but I'm used to seeing her everyday so leave me alone. *
hugsssssssssssssssss for Monique*
XX