I guess you can't help but sympathise for those you cared for so much, and still do in a way. You really do know when someone has played the tiniest role in your life when you think about what you could do to make things improve and yet you make things worse and hate yourself for it. You'd rather blame things on yourself rather than on that person and you would do what seems like practically whatever it took to keep that person at least close to happy or pleased. You hate it when they're upset and furthermore, whenever bad karma seems to go their way you'd rather have to suffer it for them but when it really does come back to bite you, you want someone else to suffer and can't realise the reason why you always seem to have 'bad luck'. If they're upset, it, in return, makes you upset. You want them to remain happy but it never seems to go that way. People think you're foolish or pathetic but you just couldn't care less. You hate those nights where you just can't seem to fall asleep because there's just too many thoughts running through your mind. You start crying and your pillow literally feels soaked. You try and be open. You want to tell that person what's wrong and yet you don't want their pity. Your actions seem to confuse yourself as well as others. You say the wrong things and do stupid things at inappropriate times yet you can't help but hope that things will get better eventually. How can someone else apprehend your actions when you yourself cannot either? Why do you try so hard to find out certain things even though you know the answer will leave you shattered. You worry about wasting time yet you leave all the things with high priorities behind and focus on other useless things. You're silly.