I've never believed in karma so much throughout my whole life but yes, it's quite a frightening experience. However, i still haven't learnt my lesson? I've been repeatedly hurting myself unintentionally and I keep dropping things in public places, I constantly make bad decisions for stupid STUPID reasons and I get myself into trouble, I keep embarrassing myself and I always forget to do things. Some of these things always had occurred previously but let's just blame them on karma. The feeling of guilt and wondering how someone else unknown may feel about your actions and final decisions is quite saddening really. I've never fallen into a trap or got stuck in trouble and literally, physically ran away. But this time I pity myself for making such stupid conclusions and no, I admit, blaming your decisions on someone else's influence is not a very good excuse. I just hope that whatever happens in response to my awful choice of actions, only happens to me; not my family, not my friends.. not my loved ones; just to me. I've suffered both emotionally and physically before so I'm pretty much used to it. I just couldn't even think about bearing the pain I would be in for realising that I was the reason such precious people were in misery.

Can I be sure about how I feel towards certain things, people or ideas? I've lost confidence in thinking independently simply for the reason that my stupid self seems to keep on making silly mistakes and I always seem to misinterpret everything, which subsequently leads to consequences I'd rather not have to deal with. But right now, I've found a little shimmer of happiness and I guess I can categorise myself as content. I've improved in studies which have made my parents feel over the moon and they finally agreed to let me go on a road trip after school if I do well in the HSC exams as well. LOL. It all depends on my brain and intelligence now but how come I still lack motivation? I've been studying the amount I probably did in Year 7; barely anything. I hate thinking: "I'll do it tomorrow" and thinking the day after: "Farout, I let myself down again". But screw that! I'm relaxing : ) .. until when? I'm.. not so sure.