I have no idea why, and it's not really the first time, but I felt extremely ugly today (yeah, you might say "you are" but i really felt really low in self-esteem). Maybe the whole body image thing is getting to me. In high school, all my girls used to tell me to stop worrying about my image, saying that I looked fine. Maybe it's the transition into uni that has really affected my thoughts. Friends (obviously jokingly; I hope) keep reminding me of how 'imperfect' I am and how ugly I am and that's fine but isn't once or twice enough? I try to laugh it off but do they really have the right to say that when they're far from perfect as well? Sure, they may be a whole lot closer to 'perfection' than I am but give me a break. I'm so sick of trying to put up with things. Is selecting aesthetically pleasing things always the best option?

Today, I had work again from 10am to 3pm. I don't know why but I just randomly hoped that someone would jump through the door and give me a surprise visit but no-one came to visit and I don't blame anyone. I just really hoped someone would be there for me. I feel really uneasy nowadays which reminds me about high school when I used to always get upset about the smallest things. I'm just really glad I had people around me to put up with my antics and emotional outbursts which I would always blame on PMS. I really miss that environment where everyone cared for each other. I miss the smiles; uni just seems like a place for hardcore studying and nothing related to enjoying life. Maybe it's just my over-exaggeration because I miss high school so much but right now, it feels like hell. Maybe tomorrow will be better; or next week. Possibly next month or even next year? That's the only thing that seems to keep me going. I'm sick of the same old routine; wake up at 7:30 am, shower, rush to get to the station by 8:20 and catch the train; possibly falling asleep and hoping I won't miss my stop. Then walking to uni everyday is a killer; being afraid that my heels will get caught in the little holes or cracks on the floor of the bridge I have to cross. Why not wear heels, right? Wearing flats, thongs or chucks makes me feel like a man and I really hate it.

I'm hoping to start studying (for real) from tomorrow onwards but I always say that so I'll see how I go.